“O Abu Umayr, what happened to the little bird?” How to Help Your Child Through Sad Emotions

When your child is upset, your instinct may be to fix it—to lift them out of their sadness and reassure them that everything is okay. But what if the most powerful thing you can do is to sit with them in their emotions?

In an effort to comfort, we might say:

• “It’s not a big deal.”

• “Don’t cry. You’re okay.”

• “You’re too sensitive.”

These phrases, though well-intentioned, can inadvertently send messages like:

• “Your feelings don’t matter.”

• “Something’s wrong with you for feeling this.”

Imagine your child is in a deep hole of sadness. Your first impulse might be to pull them out. However, what they often need is for you to climb in with them, to sit beside them, and to let them know they’re not alone. This presence fosters emotional resilience—not by dismissing hard emotions, but by walking through them together.

What to Say Instead

Consider these affirming phrases:

• “I know this feels really hard.”

• “I’m here with you.”

• “It makes sense that you feel this way.”

• “I believe in you—you will get through this.”

Children don’t always need solutions; they need connection.

A Prophetic Example

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ exemplified this approach. When a young boy, Abu Umayr, was grieving the loss of his pet bird, the Prophet ﷺ didn’t dismiss his feelings. Instead, he gently engaged with him, saying, “O Abu Umayr, what happened to the little bird?” This compassionate interaction validated the child’s emotions and provided comfort. 

Emotional resilience involves:

• Not avoiding sadness, but sitting with it.

• Not rushing healing, but trusting it.

• Not minimizing feelings, but validating them.

By allowing children to experience and express their emotions fully and safely, we help them develop the strength to navigate future challenges.

Practical Steps for Parents

• Avoid urging your child to “get over it.”

• Normalize sadness as a temporary and natural emotion.

• Share your own experiences with similar feelings to foster understanding.

• Reassure them that feeling difficult emotions doesn’t equate to weakness.

Children don’t need perfect parents; they need present ones. By sitting with them in their sadness and providing a safe space for emotional expression, we lay the foundation for healing and resilience.